i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
