We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
