and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
