My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
