The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
