i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
