she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
