I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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