After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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