If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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