I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
