Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
