he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
