She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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