I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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