I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize