i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
