hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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