He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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