Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Mom said you looked used
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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