I CAN MOONWALK!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize