Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
