I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
