I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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