margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
