i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
