I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize