I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
