According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
