They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
