We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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