Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
