whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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