I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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