k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
