Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize