i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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