ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Are we still banned from the library?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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