If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
