Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
