she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
