There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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