so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
