Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
