his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
