wat bout pragnant strippers??
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
