Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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