I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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