There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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