walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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