Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
