this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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