I can tuck mytits in my pants
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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