Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
