I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
