Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
