i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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