Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
