Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize